I feel really heavy in my head

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Umm I got exams coming and I haven't finished studying yet.. I've been spending my vacation on stupid things amd I really regret that. My parents are counting on me and I dont wanna disappoint them. I have a few friends, but all they do is use me. They never lift me up when Im down.But I cant even let them go because they r the only friends i have even tho they r toxic. My parents do everything for me but they are not emotionally here in my life.. I dont trust anyone..I have been doing everything for everyone but I never figured out that they were using me... I dont want to be alive.. I never wanted to.. But I cant give my parents such a grief by killing myself.. I feel really empty.. Life doesnt seem worth it..Sorry for the long bs

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