I fucked up big time. I was supposed to attend online classes, but I didn't. And now I'm taking summer school, for seven subjects. I don't know how it works in other countries but in Argentina it works like that. I'm overwhelmed. I keep forgetting to do things. I have my own personal shit going on. This year fucked me up. First of all I discovered that I'm not straight. I'm scared to talk to people about it because they might look at me different. My friends won't like spending time alone with me, and I might be thinking little of them, but they really are closed minded. My parents are going to go all crazy about it. They are already going through a divorce, I don't want them to fight more, because they are still living in the same hous, with us. I think my sisters might know, and they seem cool about it. It might be because I stare women's boobs and ass when we're watching TV. I didn't tell anyone about the divorce, because they will make a big thing out of it, but I'm kind of happy. They are sometimes off my back. But then they start paying attention, and ask all these questions. The other day I think I had a anxiety attack. They started asking all of these questions, and I started tapping my foot, then my fingers, and I was getting nervous, there were so many sounds bothering me. Then my sister realized it and got them to stop. I never like when they ask so much things. And now that they know I fucked up, when they leave the house they are sure to make my sister control that I'm studying. They won't let me make my own desitions. I have so many things tommorow and I delayed them as much as I could, because that's what I do, run from problems. And now I don't have time, but I'm doing this to calm down because if not, I fear I might explode. I can't talk to anybody because I don't trust them, especially since they exclude me. But I don't mind much about that. Then I have all of this feeling that come out, but I push them down untill I'm sure no one will see me cry. But then they don't come out again. So the I'm pretty much numb. When my dad went to talk to me about the divorce, and I didn't cry, he told me I was cold and that I was going to be alone if I kept that up. I suppose he wanted me to cry my eyes out, like my sisters, but I couldn't. To this day I still can't. Not a single tear about it. I think I might want to do therapy, but I'm so afraid to ask for help. I don't like doing it. It makes me vulnerable, feelings meake me vulnerable. Then the future overwhelms me, because I don't see one. Not in this world, not like this. Life sucks.