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I get really scared when anyone im close with, drinks or smokes weed around me....

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i think i have some trauma that i need to find a therapist to work with. I never told therapists that i have childhood trauma, because i feel like what happened to me doesnt count, cuz people have had it far worse than me. Anyway, ive always had a problem with people i love drinking alcohol or smoking weed. Not because i think its bad or dangerous, but because their change in behavior scares me. I think its becuase my dad used to be a very angry drunk. There was a time he shoved my mom to the ground at our neighborhood bbq, after she tried to stop him from spraying a baby in the face with a hose. There was also a time my older brother got so high he had collapsed on the kitchen floor. I had to feed him with a spoon like a child, and clean up his piss off the floor because he pissed himself. I was like 12-13. My brother was also very angry high for some reason. It made them different people. I didn’t realize how much it would effect me, until i found my boyfriend high tonight. He was giggling, laughing his ass off, talking about how great his night was going. But even thought he was giggly and not angry, i was so scared of him. It reminded me of my dad and brothers incidents. I know he’d never hurt me, but he was so different that i had a panic attack about it later. He still doesnt know, ill talk to him about it tomorrow...I cant stand to see my mom drink anything stronger than wine or beer, even though ive never seen her drunk. Only my dad and brother. The thing is, when its drunk strangers, im totally fine and not scared. Its just with people im close to. Anytime they drink or smoke weed i get uncomfortable and nervous. I just have some shit i gotta work through





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