I recently was browsing some FanFiction (Basically some stories based off fandoms/characters/internet celebrities/celebrities) and I stumbled across one that had some very... disturbing tags (classifications for your story that you’re writing or reading/categories), and being stupid and somewhat naive I decided to read it.

I somehow was curious, thinking it may be a cruel joke, or a character who had a sick past. I read all of it.

I can’t even write out the tags, let alone say them out loud. It makes me feel sick for even reading a story like that. I feel like a monster, even though I’m disturbed and upset about it.

I didn’t know that someone could have even thought about writing it, let alone posting it on the internet for the world to see.

I know it’s a quote unquote “vent” FanFiction (a fiction where someone uses their traumatic experiences and writes it out to “vent” about it), but it makes me feel horrible knowing that this person took real life people and made them into real life monsters. It makes me sad knowing that this author just ruined someone’s comfort content creator. It makes me embarrassed and humiliated just knowing that one of them could see it.

This FanFiction makes me feel like I can’t call a child “cute” anymore. It lives in my head, what the author wrote about, what happened to that child in the story.

So, I hate myself for being stupid enough to read it. I hate this story for existing. I hate the person who wrote it, even if this was their strange way of coping with their own traumas.

I hate the lines that live in my head:

”Is this where he touched you?”

”That was a sound he never wanted to hear out of his little brother again.”

”Let’s play a game.”

I feel like a pedo, a pervert, and a monster.

I wish I never read those lines, even if they are fake, and that they’re just words on a internet screen. They’re not real.

I’m just a minor who wanted to read some stories about cute Youtubers that I’m a fan of, not non-consensual acts and grooming.

But now that’s story has ruined my view on everything

I hate it

I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it