I'm honestly so fucking sick of living. It's been the same mundane shit everyday for the past year and I don't know how much longer I can take it. I graduated a year ago and I told myself "I'm gonna take this summer off just to relax. After all it's my last summer!" Then august rolled around. I started applying to all sorts of jobs, you think I'd get at least an interview to one of them right? I lost count of how many I applied to and before I knew it, It's Jan of this year. I've gotten a total of two interviews. Is something wrong with me? Why isn't anyone interested? And it's not like I'm applying to some high class jobs. It's restaurant and retail. But the time finally comes! I get a job at IHOP! only for- what's this? They literally fucking ghost me. An employer ghosts me. It's bad enough my friends do it, but this? That's a whole other complicated story.
Then corona comes and I'm terrified to get a job in fear I get it, and give it to my parents. My dad already has breathing problems, and if I gave it to him and killed him? I'd never forgive myself. But staying at home and not having a job makes me feel like a fucking leech. I feel like my life is going nowhere. That I'm just some fucking loser (which is true, I mean have you read what I typed? I'm king of the losers) who's going to die alone and had no meaning to their life. I fear I'm going to die regretting my life. People say it get's better but each year it seems to get worse and worse. How can it get better? Who knows, maybe I'm just being a baby. But I had to get this off my chest.