i hate my life

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i dont see the point of living. i keep telling myself that i dont deserve it, im not loved. i want to complain but, nobody will listen, theyre just going to scold me, tell me that im luckier than other people and that i shouldnt complain. but im tired, im tired of thinking, i dont want to hear something thatll make me feel jealous or sad or maybe even suicidal. i want to die but im deathly afraid of pain. i dont even know how to socialize, ive lost my friends and yes its all my fault. everytime, everyday, i hear something that makes me sad, angry and upset. i was happy then the next thing i know i was writing out my feelings on this page. would it even matter? its not like it makes me feel better. its not like anyone's going to help me.

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