school work

i hate my life

Time Spent- 2h 13m
44 Visitors

It's 9pm right now and I'm silently waiting for everyone to go to sleep so I can finally be alone, uninterrupted, to cry. I'm depressed and tired of my life, of having to juggle so many things then waking up to do the same exact thing the next day. I'm drained. I'm on the verge of tears every second of the day, but I have to pull myself together because my family would be lost without me. I have a sibling with a condition that makes our lives much harder. I hate that they have to go through this; it's a curse, and it's deteriorating. Sometimes they forget who I even am, as in they literally can't remember my name or face, so I have to watch them yell and cry for hours a day sometimes. And it gets bad; sometimes they hit me in defence because they don't recognize me. I don't blame them. I love them, but it hurts to have to bottle all my pain inside and to take care of everyone else when no one knows what I'm going through. I'm getting pulled behind with all this baggage, and I'm not advancing in my life like I'm supposed to be. My future isn't going to be as bright as I hoped it would, as a result. I can't even answer messages from the people I call my friends. I haven't talked to them in over a week and I hate that I tend to ghost them when I'm like this but I just can't fucking deal with mustering the energy to pretend I'm okay and have casual conversations about school work or the fucking weather. I'm so tired. I just want to be left alone, in an endless night.