Since childhood, I was always this secretly naughty child who used to do mischievous things behind people's back. I was afraid of them finding out I'm not as good as they think. And now as well, people think I'm innocent while I'm not as innocent as they think I am. So there's always this constant thinking that what if they leave me once they know me. I've always had people like my bestfriends backbiting about me. Those few people I trusted so much were talking shit about me within themselves. That makes me feel maybe something is wrong with me. Why can't people stay with me a little longer. Why do they always leave me alone. Maybe I should change myself. I am worthless, useless and selfish. I always think about myself. I don't care about my friends, according to them. When I think about it, maybe it's true. I don't know what to think anymore, whom to trust anymore. Though, I'm afraid to lose those who are close to me right now. Just the thought of it terrifies me. I push everyone away from me. I don't tell anyone anything or when I do, over express my feelings. I have no control over my emotions and I have disappointed everyone. Whatever I do, I just cant love myself. I hate myself and haven't done anything good than dissappoint everyone.