when i was 12 i was manipulates heavily by a 37 year old to strip and finger myself on camera, and watch him get off to watching it.
when i was 14 my boyfriend would get me drunk and lock us in a bathroom together and then. rape me.
i just hate that this has made me a violent and bitter person. it also gave me a very incorrect standard of what sex is. resulting in if i feel like i need to get whatever material i am viewing to do sohas to be. gross, violent, and just generally bad. which is why i stick to writtwn work. but it makes me feel disgusting that thars the only thing i can. use. id never do anything like that irl my interest in sex is purely hypothetical i would never let anyone touch me in a sexual manner. but it still makes me feel bad