I literally have no loyalty to anyone, I use drugs and sabotage myself and I am so embarassed constantly for all the things I do and say when I’m on coke or blacked outi can’t read or focus on anything that isn’t completely vapid and instantaneous. I talk to my abusive ex all the time in secret and still love him even though I have a bf. I talk negatively about my bf to my friends.I spend my whole life obsessing over food and I chew up and spit out so much food every day and waste it. I measure my hip size every morning.I am so ashamed of who I am now.I just want to be a good person and I’m so sad that I’m like this. I don’t know what to do anymore and I don’t want to even try.