4 months ago
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i have a serious anxiety, i am dying

i am 18, my life was just tumbling down around me for last years, i was just fucked up, my problems started from age 14, i became antisocial, i was just sitting in my room in front of computer doing nothing, i had no friends, my father was so mean to me, he was shouting to me ,,why arent you going outside, are you in jail?'', i wasnt going out because i had low self esteem, i thought i was not as good as other kids, i was not communicating even with my classmates, so this year was my last chance to revive my life, i was planning to get into university, start training, make friends, i passed the exams, got the high grades, but the problem is i chose mistakenly wrong university which is actual shit and also wrong bachelor degree, again, due to low self esteem-i thought i was gonna fail at exams and now i am strongly regretting, why i did not chose good university, when i could have easily get into that with this grades, why i did not think about what was i choosing, i could have go to way better university, yes i can change it but according to law, you can do it after 1 year and thats whats killing me, i wanted my life to change for better now, this year, and not another year, i am perfectionist, i want every aspect of my life to be perfect, so this fucking trash university is ruining everything, i was so close to finally be happy but i failed, i missed the opportunity, i am anxiously pacing around everyday, i lost weight, i lost self confidence and became introvert again, because i cant be happy if my life is not the way i want it to be, i wanted other university but now its too late to change, i have to go there for 1 fucking year, i know, maybe i sound weirdo, but fucking hell man i am regretting why i did not organise better the most important year of my life, i am in a serious depression, i tried to cut veins, drink cleaning liquid, i cant accept the fact that i could have change my life for better and i failed again, i had chance to go to good university but i did not do it for some reason, by domino effect, i lost the motivation of starting training, not any girl is ever gonna like me, i am a living failure, disgrace to family, this was my last chance of revival, i had chance and i missed it, i dont deserve to live, my father is right i am dumb as fuck, i just want to die really bad, just to sleep and never wake up, i cant cope with this pain anymore, i lost interest of everything, i dont even know, fuck, i have a serious, really serious anxiety, i am angry at myself, how to be that stupid to not search universities and chose a good one, i am really dumb, i just want to die, stupid mlike me does not deserve to live

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4 months ago

Re: i have a serious anxiety, i am dying

Hey kiddo,

While I was reading your article, I found out that this was something I had faced right from the age of 10 but couldn't put it to words. But believe me, once you get out of this feeling you will realize how stupid this thought was. Even I thought to kill myself, not once, but n number of times.

But before you do that remember one thing clearly. There is always at least one person whose face would come to your mind when you try to do this. Just seeing that face would make you lose all the courage to kill yourself. Even I had these feelings, these thoughts, but I realized that its better to endure this pain than give up on your life. You staying alive is the biggest answer to the faces of those who think you are not worth it.

You are worth more than anything.

You are worth more than any of the taunts you have ever heard in your life.

You are worth beyond words.

Regarding your college life, whats done is done. I don't think that crying over it will change the fact that you have already done so. Either get used to the atmosphere or try to do something of it.

Regarding you self-confidence, there are many ways which can help you. Like whenever I felt like crying, I used to go to the bathroom, cry there silently, then have some self talk to motivate myself. And then come out again like I don't care. I didn't let the negativity affect me.

So buck up. There's a long way for you to go. All the very best for your future. And don't let anyone damage your peace.

Good Luck.

Dude did you post this twice in the space of 10 minutes? Chill dude it's gonna be OK. Its gonna be a hard long night but you can make it work and push and study just keep thinking about all the good things coming your way! You don't need to do all these things you are trying to do, you got to focus on the things you want and then make them happen