i am 18, my life was just tumbling down around me for last years, i was just fucked up, my problems started from age 14, i became antisocial, i was just sitting in my room in front of computer doing nothing, i had no friends, my father was so mean to me, he was shouting to me ,,why arent you going outside, are you in jail?'', i wasnt going out because i had low self esteem, i thought i was not as good as other kids, i was not communicating even with my classmates, so this year was my last chance to revive my life, i was planning to get into university, start training, make friends, i passed the exams, got the high grades, but the problem is i chose mistakenly wrong university which is actual shit and also wrong bachelor degree, again, due to low self esteem-i thought i was gonna fail at exams and now i am strongly regretting, why i did not chose good university, when i could have easily get into that with this grades, why i did not think about what was i choosing, i could have go to way better university, yes i can change it but according to law, you can do it after 1 year and thats whats killing me, i wanted my life to change for better now, this year, and not another year, i am perfectionist, i want every aspect of my life to be perfect, so this fucking trash university is ruining everything, i was so close to finally be happy but i failed, i missed the opportunity, i am anxiously pacing around everyday, i lost weight, i lost self confidence and became introvert again, because i cant be happy if my life is not the way i want it to be, i wanted other university but now its too late to change, i have to go there for 1 fucking year, i know, maybe i sound weirdo, but fucking hell man i am regretting why i did not organise better the most important year of my life, i am in a serious depression, i tried to cut veins, drink cleaning liquid, i cant accept the fact that i could have change my life for better and i failed again, i had chance to go to good university but i did not do it for some reason, by domino effect, i lost the motivation of starting training, not any girl is ever gonna like me, i am a living failure, disgrace to family, this was my last chance of revival, i had chance and i missed it, i dont deserve to live, my father is right i am dumb as fuck, i just want to die really bad, just to sleep and never wake up, i cant cope with this pain anymore, i lost interest of everything, i dont even know, fuck, i have a serious, really serious anxiety, i am angry at myself, how to be that stupid to not search universities and chose a good one, i am really dumb, i just want to die, stupid mlike me does not deserve to live