I blame myself for my sexual assault that happened to me as a child. I was fucking 10 when two of my classmates cornered me everyday, multiple times a day, for about 2 months. I froze, and one day a girl saw one of their lesser acts, saw I was upset, and she told me to tell my mom what happened. I’m 21 Now and I have so much guilt for not being able to say something. I have guilt because I can’t move on. I’m angry at myself for not being able to accept compliments and not being able to appreciate intimacy but every time someone mentions even kissing me I freak out. I remember the things they said to me as they did whatever they wanted. I was in the band, one was a footballl player and the other was one of the most liked members of the band. I say quietly and faked a smile. I hate myself for that. I know we’ve all grown and maybe they learned from their mistakes, but it’s unfair that they get to sleep at night and it still fucking hurts. I’m angry that they are still effecting me 10 years later. I’ve gone to therapy and now I have PTSD from it because my last therapist tried to get me (16 at the time) to engage in a relationship with a 45 year old man. I’m tired of being manipulated and I’m angry at myself for hating myself. I have so much guilt and I know it’s wrong, I know I did nothing wrong, but it’s hard not to feel guilty.