I’m sorry you feel so defeated. I can relate as I’ve felt that way. It can be easy to get caught in a cycle of...
Inspired>Believe>Try to Change> Overwhelmed>Defeat>Recluse>
The voice behind all of those ugly adjectives used to describe you is yours, SCREAMING in your head with the intention to say whatever is necessary to ensure you don’t succeed at change. (Some really cool psychology stuff here for another conversation)
It’s human nature to easily identify the many ways we wish to change. Then when in the inspired phase we consider our intentions for change, maybe we even set goals and create a plan... Then, amidst the adrenaline we decide we’re going to change everything. This will never work for anyone, and we know that, but it’s hard to feel awesome about changing one thing when there are still plenty of other ways we want to change top of mind. It’s necessary for us to train our brains to see the incremental progress differently. Sometimes the key isn’t learning something, but actually unlearning something. For instance, when do you recall the first time you thought of yourself as worthless?
Advice if you’re interested... :)
You are not worthless, and you have a purpose! It’s clear you’re in the battle, and have passion, which means you’re on the right track.
Marcus Aurelius says, ‘The obstacle is the way!’, meaning the very thing that challenges you is a beacon of guidance and you should face it head on.
Stop writing, and speaking demeaning things about yourself. Your brain believes you, and you will have trouble thinking positive thoughts needed to perpetuate real change in any area of life.
You’re doing great! 😀
P.S. Mountains generally end up being small hills.