I love my dogs. We have three, and they mean the world to me and I love them so so much. Earlier today I was giving one of them a bath, and I know she’s usually anxious about being in the water. For some reason today though it was getting on my nerves more than usual and I was being a bit too rough with her to try and keep her in the tub. I kept dragging her from the edge and pushing her down, and when it kept escalating I popped her on the hip with my palm. I kept telling myself while I was bathing her to stop being so rough with her, but it wasn’t because I actually felt bad about it, I just knew it was wrong. Later I was drying her off and I kept squeezing her in the towel until she actually whimpered. I tried to cry but I didn’t even feel bad, just frustrated that she was trying to get away from me and covering the floor in water in the one place there wasn’t a towel on the ground. I feel awful, but then again, I don’t. I don’t know. I’m more angry at myself for not feeling bad about it than I am about myself being cruel to her. I love her and the rest of my dogs, I don’t want to become abusive towards her, but I keep questioning whether I was actually numb or if I liked having the power over her. I don’t know. I’m afraid that I might have some sort of sociopathic tendencies but I can’t talk to my parents about this or else they might ban me from interacting with our dogs. I know why they might do that but I don’t want them to because I love our dogs. I wish I could just apologize to her but I’m afraid of it happening again.