English is not my first language, please ignore if you find any mistakes.My dad is suffering from depression for last 20 years now and he is taking medications for it. But he doesn't want me to take medications when i tell him that i need help. He wants me to cure myself on my own. I am a graduate and he wants me to study more and more which is not possible unless i take medications for whatever i am going through. i have tried almost everything and the only thing left was to tell someone what i am thinking, as no one wants to listen to me soi am writing here. I want to die right now, but i don't have the courage to do it even. I am a bad person and i don't deserve to live but if i die, my mother will be sad and i don't like when she cries but what should i do. i really want all this to end and i don't know how much more i can take. I'm addicted to gaming now, i am on a self destruct mode all the time and i am just a load on my parents. I think about leaving the house and go to someplace far, and then never to return. I wish i was never born. I am not studying, my parents are putting so much money in my studies even when they can not afford and i am just a lazy idiot who can not even touch my books because i have no energy left. I am just a load on parents and i hope i die soon.