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i hope no one sees this<3

i just need to get this off my chest,

dear family, i love you guys so much but sometimes you put so much pressure on me that its unbearable. i cant talk to any of you because i know i will get judged which is why you guys dont know i used to be suicidal. you want me to be a perfect daughter but im only a teen, i want to live my life and not fulfill ur expectations of me. i used to, and still sometimes do, cry myself to sleep because i honestly feel like no one loves me and everyone is against me no matter what i say. i get my phone taken away even though the worst thing ive ever done was lie about if ive had any overdue homework. you will always find something to complain about when it comes to me. i only wake up, try to get out of everyones way so i dont annoy anyone or get shouted at and i still get my phone taken even though its my only source of seritonin because i get to talk to my friends and vibe on social media. i stay locked in my room and you wonder why, its because when i come out of my room, you find things to complain about. thats all i got to say to my family, the next part is gonna be just for me to get it off my chest.

i was sexually harrassed a few days after my birthday, i had only just turned 14, by someone who i thought was my friend and that i could trust. this happened when i was in uniform coming back from school and he kept grabbing my bum, pulling me in even though i said NO multiple times and doing other things to me that i didnt consent to. i told my best friend about this and she was very understanding but i still get flashbacks because something sometimes triggers memories from that and i cry and shake and i dont think she knows how traumatic that is for me and i think that she just shrugs it off? anyways im scared to go back to school and face him again after quarentine is over becuase just hearing his name will make me feel extremely anxious but imagine actually seeing him again face to face.

i also dont know if im straight or bi or if i just hate men lol. im just confused :))

i hope this really is anonymous and that no one sees this but if you do, reply whatever you wanna say or just say hi to get some interaction haha. this really helped me get everything off my chest that i needed to say, i might be back lmao but so far this is all i wanna say:)