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I hope that I will be okay someday

I always think that I'm not good enough, I always think that I'm not going to college, get a job, and make my parents proud. I always think that my only friends are starting to hate me and I'm starting to feel invisible, It is hard for me to open up to someone I know even my own parents because if I do that, I feel they are just going to ignore me, say "you're just a teenager, how can you feel that way? we feed you, we provide you, we blah blah blah" My mom always shout at me and my siblings everyday about how she's tired of us, how we don't clean the house, how we don't we respect her, how she wish we weren't born, etc. You get it, I live in a toxic household where my parent doesn't care about their children's mental health. Everyday in my life, In a time or period of a day, I feel numb and hollow inside. I think back about my decisions in the past, and have small headaches and cry everyday whenever I think about this, I always think "why didn't I do this, why didn't I do that?" and it hurts me make me feel more that I don't have a meaning in this world and didn't make anybody happy. I'm awkward, no social skills at all. I cant even start a conversation, I turn off my wifi to make seem that the connection was lost because I dont know how to say bye.


What do I?