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I just need to get this off my chest

i lied about having a bipolar diagnosis. a lot of my family always thought i had it and i’m just so sure i have it. but after many people told me to get diagnosed it slipped that i was already diagnosed which is a lie. i’m scared that if i tell my friends and boyfriend i haven’t been diagnosed yet, they’ll hate me and i’ll lose everything i’ve built in the last year. i’m just too scared to get a proper diagnosis cause i don’t actually want this. my brain is going a hundred miles an hour and it’s having a big impact on my life