I’ve been going through a lot of shit. I have a happy and supportive girlfriend and friend group but I never bother them with my problems. They will only see me as weak and want to leave me. My family has been treating me like shit. For as long as I can remember, my father has been very manipulative and keeps everyone in the house on a leash. He has to know where we are 24/7 and sets curfews for everyone even though we’re all adults. I am unemployed so I don’t have any money to leave. It’s gotten to the point that when shit happens, it leaves me numb for weeks. I’ve been almost a year clean and I relapsed tonight. I needed to feel something. I’m a parental figure to some kids I know and they always come to me when they need help or are depressed. I don’t want them to see this side of me because I want to be someone they can rely on and not to worry about. I feel like everyone in my life would be better off if they just left me. I would feel bad about the kids but they can easily find someone else to help them that’s way better than me. I know people have it harder than me and that I shouldn’t complain about this but I just needed to vent. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.
Sorry this is al over the place. My thoughts are everywhere.