i havent cried in weeks. but i feel like i need to. just to get out my emotions. my mom is the main source of my depression, but when i told her she just said, "you have to get over it, you're stuck with me and things like this happen, its just how life works." it made me feel so alone. my parents are divorced, so i go back and forth, my moms during the week and my dads during the weekend. but i am starting to realize that i dont want to go back to my mom's house. my mom is so negative and yells at me and my sister all the time, sometimes for things i didn't even do. when she is doing something random, she says, "why does no one listen to what i say?" even though i know i did nothing wrong, her statements like these make me go into a deep depression. i try to get myself out of it and happy again, but it's no use. even just the slightest thing will trigger my depression, and it's all down hill from there. at my dad's house, it feels more like a family. we joke around and laugh with each other, and we have more of a family dynamic, where i don't feel responsible for making everyone happy, which is what happens at my mom's. at my dad's, they treat me with respect, and let me express my emotions. they support all my endeavors, and we always go on fun trips together. but this makes me feel guilty though, because when i tell my mom what we do during the weekend, she always seems disappointed, as if she doesn't do enough to make me and my little sister happy. and she hates my step-mom, so that doesn't help anything. she just can't wrap her head around the fact that she is supposed to be a mature adult and that there is no place in our lives for such childish stupid behavior. because of my moms reactions to the fun things we do, i feel like i cant tell her anything personal anymore. i just wish i was a little bit older, so i could choose when i went to my mom's house and when i went to my dad's house. but then i don't want to leave my sister here alone with my mom, because then there will be no one to make her feel better and to calm down my mom so she will stop yelling at my sister. also, my best friend is there, but not enough. she's always busy, and i barely get to talk to her. and i obviously can't talk to my mom, because she'll probably say the same thing as before. i don't feel comfortable talking to anyone else about my emotions honestly, especially since i don't know how to translate my emotions into words. i know how i'm feeling in the moment, but then i think, "i am one person, out of 7.9 billion people, my issues aren't as big as what everyone else is going through", and i start to feel depressed and wallow in my own self-pity. but when this starts to happen, i laugh at myself for how stupid i am, and try to do other things to distract me from my emotions, but when i give myself even just a second to think about myself, i start to feel depressed again. i feel as though im too hard on my self, and too much of a narcissist. i don't know how to make myself feel better. i feel like my life is crashing in and i don't know how to stop it. thanks for reading, if you even made it this far. i hope you find a way to make yourself feel better and most importantly, make your life better. bye!