I just want out

Time Spent- 25m
15 Visitors

I’m currently 16 I live with my mom and my grandma and her asshole husband. I’m no stranger to mental abuse, my dad was an alcoholic and was abusive to my mom my brother and I. We managed to get out when I was 13, I was okay for a bit I was getting the help I needed and I was trying to find myself. I became extremely sick to the point I was throwing at blood and I was in the hospital and I stared death in the face, after getting out of the hospital I couldn’t handle the pressure from the outside world. I locked myself in a room for over 3 months, I ate stayed in bed and played games to keep my mind at bay. Well at the beginning of covid I started coming out and getting more comfortable then everything started to get worse at home, the family we lived with was toxic and it was poor environment for my health. I was paranoid with everything I heard, I thought there was a fight or something bad was happening or that I did something. Well we got kicked out and I was terrified we didn’t have anywhere to go, then we moved in with my grandma. By this time my mental health started to actually get better, I was smiling and looking forward to life, I was determined to work hard on school and my passion of science. Then it went all down hill again, my grandmas husband was in the hospital and we came to help her out cause she can’t do everything, well her husband sure made our lives a living hell. Screaming nasty phrases and such throwing out the food my mom bought(my mom is unemployed) and much more. I’ve been through this rodeo before so to no surprise when he started drinking I went to the bedroom and turned my volume all the way up and tuned everything out. I’m currently in the situation and it’s not any better, my mom is trying to find a job but with covid and everything it’s not the easiest and my schoolwork keeps piling up. I’m unmotivated, extremely depressed and I just want to disappear from the point of the earth. I still have a fear of killing myself so I can’t fathom myself going through with it. I love my mom and I don’t want to see her struggle more than she already does.