I can't seem to cry, I can't seem to feel happiness. I have felt like this for well over a year. I feel sick to my stomach every day. Maybe it's anxiety I don't know. Last month I tried to kill myself and the only one that knows doesn't care. I am probably just being dramatic but the only time I can feel something is when I am talking to my cousin who lives across the country and when I self harm. I know which one is supposed to feel like a good feeling but to me feeling anything is good. My dad says it's normal to not be happy or sad. But I am not just not happy or sad if that makes sense. I feel empty but miserable. I realize that I can breathe but is breathing and living the same? Is dead and not alive the same? I think dead means not breathing and not alive means not living. Maybe not feeling alive if that makes sense. I just wanna cry and scream but all I get is watery eyes. Which isn't enough. If not alive and dead are the same thing I think I might not be breathing even though people say I am.