I miss u not

Time Spent- 45m
13 Visitors

Hi, E, wherever you are. I don't know if you'll come to find this, but I really really hope you don't because it'll embarass me. You see, I'm not used to expressing myself to others. But, anyways, here goes nothing.

I remember the first time I saw you, I still do. You were just sitting there, and I thought you looked very, well, different. Totally in a good way, though. I loved that a lot. You didn't ever see me, though, and as a matter of fact, I'd told myself to get away from boys. Quite honest, I should've gotten away from you, but I just couldn't. And just to clarify, I don't think I would ever say I love you as of now because I don't think I know the real you and that hurts. I also remember the days we'd smile at each other while walking by. The way you looked so so happy when I waved at you first. That made me incredibly happy, I can't even describe it. No one had ever been so happy to see me. Never thought anyone would. You changed that. Thank you so much.

And then there were your beautiful brown colored eyes. How could I not even talk about them? You always looked hurt, E. It hurt me. And hey, I don't know what it was, but it really made me want to just hug you. Not only that, but the way you spoke so many words with just one look. It made me feel butterflies in my stomach. And then there was your laughter. I wouldn't even know what you would be laughing at sometimes, but I'd just laugh and smile. Your happiness was so contagious. Loved it. Then, there was no spark. It was as if the fire had reached the end of the match. You walked by me, but with your head down. You wouldn't meet my eyes anymore. It was like if you had forgotten about me. And I just accepted it. I blamed me though. I thought it was because of how long I took to show interest. I'm sorry about that, believe it or not, even if you always saw me laughing and smiling, I was really really hurting, still am. I didn't want you to take notice because you would probably get sad too. Also, sorry for not having taken a step foward. I was too scared when things started to get a little too big. It scared me for you to know who I really was or just know me. I thought you would loose interest. Everyone always did.

And even if we really weren't onto each other in real life, you seemed to just make your way into my dreams. You'd just stand there and watch me with your beautiful brown eyes, speechless, but somehow saying a lot.

A couple of weeks later and you had a girlfriend. I'd actually noticed her earlier, I just didn't take it too seriously because you would still smile at me and you never mentioned her on your socials. But when we stopped smiling at each other, it was like you just went back to her. And then it was confirmed and it tore me. And you know, I was really confused, but I know you don't own me explanations. Not even my attention to be honest. And I don't hate you for that, E. I still care about you, but not in that way. I'll never forget how you made me feel. I'll never forget your smile. I just don't miss you anymore. And I know you don't miss me neither. We don't miss each other. But, please have a good life and take care.

If you actually read this, though, I'm switching schools ah ha ha :)