Hey, I have tried talking to people about my thoughts and emotions and decided its not going to help me because they have their own lives to think about. I'm usually the one to be helping others so I don't feel comfortable talking to people about my emotions and whenever I do, they don't know what to say other than "I'm sorry and it's all gonna be okay". I think I may be depressed because it fits all the symptoms but I can't bring myself to tell anyone especially now because my family has things to deal with and my friends don't know how to help me. I don't think I want to end my life but it's just a lot to deal with. My family jokes about how I'm always sad and look depressed but never actually talk to me about it. There are hardly any things keeping me happy at this point. There was this one person. Let's call them blue. I met blue a year ago because we were in something together. Blue was another student in my school, two grades above me. I joined a project in school and blue was part of the subcategory I joined. We spent some time together but never talked outside of it. Then after a few months I realized I really liked blue. And one thing that never made sense to me was the eye contact. I guessed blue was nice to me because they were nice to everyone and just charismatic like that. But blue used to look at me a lot, and I used to look at them and realize, then we'd both look away. And it wasn't really in a creepy way but it was very confusing because why would they do that? Anyways, lockdown started and we stopped talking, I texted them a few times but it was a one time conversation each time. It doesn't seem very eventful I know, but I really liked them and we talked so easily and I liked spending time with them. And we hardly spent time together a few time so it doesn't make sense why I'd feel so deeply about them. I don't even know why I liked them in the first place I just did. But now we don't even talk anymore and its hard not to think about them. Its just sad how something that made me so happy and light hearted now just adds to the weight holding me down. I also can't help but feel like I don't belong anywhere. Everywhere I go, any social event, I immediately feel like none of them like me and I don't belong there. Its hard for me to be all social and talkative and so I just isolate myself from people. I realized maybe I have imposter syndrome but then again, I don't wanna self-diagnose and I can't seek professional help. But I do know and have hope that it will get better eventually, its just the going through it all alone is hard. And I have a best friend who cares about me a lot but I have already told them about this and they have issues of their own so the most they can do is symphatize with me and tell me to hang in there. I just need to talk to someone who knows how to deal with all this.