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I need help

I wanna die again. The last time i self harmed was 4 months ago when I tried to take my life. I started cutting again recently and I really don’t know what to do. I can’t tell my friends anymore because I feel really guilty. I want to die but I don’t want to hurt them. I can’t help what I’m thinking and it’s just easier to not say anything when it’s just going to hurt them, but if I don’t say anything I’m going to do it. I know I will. And I can’t see anything good happening. I can’t go back to college because I’ll have to face people and they all witnessed my breakdown before lockdown. I just don’t want to be in this situation. I can’t do it anymore.