Hello!Since I was little I've been living with my grandma because my mother had me when she was at university and I never got to know my father. I had lots of anger issues and I still have.I felt like nobody was able to understand me. People always made fun of me like I was a joke. I still don't feel like anyone is able to understand me.So I lived with my grandma until I made 18 years. At the age of 18 she kicked me out of the house because I didn't take a stupid exam and she and her beloved children. I moved into another city, the capital of my country and it was freakin horrible. I stayed there a few months them I decided to move into my mother's apartment. Since I moved here everything went to hell and I thought about suicide.In the past I tried to kill myself many times, but it didn't work or I didn't do it the right way. I still think about this but I'm thinking about my cat.I don't feel like I'm in the right place in this world. Nobody needs me, nobody is messaging me to ask me ' Hey, how you've been feeling lately?' or 'Hey, would you like to go for a coffee?' or maybe 'Hey, would you like to go our for a movie?' I feel like my existence here is for nothing, I feel like a piece of garbage. And I keep asking myself over and over, again and again ' WHY ? ' Why do I have to feel this way? Why nobody is callling me? Why nobody wants to hang out with me? Why nobody wants to make friends with me? Why? I just want to be happy for once in this miserable life of mine.I want to feel loved, I want somebody to hold me in their arms or even hold my hand and tell me ' Don't worry, everything is going to be fine'. Why I'm not feeling better?I'm not feeling free, mentally speaking. Sometimes I keep hearing voices and man, you might think I'm some kind of crazy person, but I keep hearing those voices every freakin day. Day and night and they are driving me crazy. I want them to freakin stop. I want this nightmare to end. I also lost a lot of weight since I moved here and I'm afraid my liver is disfunctional because it keeps hurting me every goddamn day.I tried calling to many suicide helplines but they didn't answer and only one helpline answered and the woman who talked with me was really weird and said weird things also her voice kept changing and it was more like robotic instead of a pleasant nice voice who coul've inspire you safety also I recognized many of the voices she put on the line.Guys, I want to feel free. I want to live a normal life, but I don't feel like I can. I need help and nobody wants to help me. If things aren't going to get better I will plan a suicide.