Time Spent- 29m 45s
15 Visitors

i need help but no ones helping me

I'm not sure how to start this but I'm transgender and I came out to my mom recently, and she says I'm brainwashed, and she thinks it's a phase or something and that I'm too young to know what I'm talking about but I've done my research and I know what I'm feeling and then there's my dad I haven't come out to him yet, but he's kinda sexist, and he hates my short hair, and he always calls me a disappointment and that I'm stupid and sometimes during arguments he punches me in the shoulder really hard and it starts stinging, now that I think about it for most of my life whenever I was in an argument with him he would hit me. I also have a habit of suppressing my feelings and I think it cut whenever I cried my parents would get mad at me my dad would tell me to stop acting like a baby he would say stuff like that when I was 7 he still does, and I have major anger issues and I know I get it from my dad and it's really hard to calm down and no one tries talking to me about it and meditation doesn't work the only thing that calms me down is biting down on my hand really hard and it gets swollen and there're bruises, I grew up in a very dysfunctional household my parents always fought, I hated my dad by the time I was 6 because he got angry at every little thing and yelled all the time especially at me and my mom and it was even harder because my little sister has crudushaw

just search it up if you don't know what it is but it was really difficult. and then on top of that there's the horrible nightmares I've had since I was little and I still get them sometimes and there all about me getting murdered and kidnapped and every time I'm killed differently I'm not as scared of them as I was when I was 5 but there still kinda horrifying and yes I've asked my mom to get me a therapist, but she just keeps putting it off I really don't know what to do because whenever I even think about sharp objects I get these feelings on my wrists and on my throat and just everywhere and it just tells me to stab and cut myself I know I need help but no one is helping me