I never really feel good about myself anymore. I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and a family. Sometimes I feel as though my parents love my brother more than they love me. When I disagree with them, they get so angry and I get everything taken away. I am forced to always say yes. When I don’t feel like doing something, they always say that they put so much effort into doing things for me and if I say no I am being disrespectful. If I am not smiling they tell me that I am making everyone else in the house miserable. They never do this to my brother though. I am a better student than him yet he never gets in trouble. If I raise my voice even just a little bit I get yelled at by my parents. When my brother does, they say that he is a boy and they mature slower than girls do. If my brother starts acting rude to my parents I get blamed for it, they say that I am teaching my brother rude ways. If my brother starts to cry I am told that I am a horrible sister. When I try to bring this up with them they tell me that I am being ungrateful and that I should not complain. Then they told me that our culture prefers boys over girls. They tell me that I am a girl and I should be the one helping take care of the house and learning how to cook. They tell me I am not allowed to drive because I am disrespectful to them and never leave my room. My father tells me as long as I don't bring money into the house I don't get an opinion. My brother has one. My father says he will be the "man of the house" one day and he deserves one. I want to leave. I try to talk about my feelings and how they favor my brother over me, but they laugh and call me a manipulator then don't talk to me for days. I don't even know how many nights I've cried. To make me feel better they buy me nice things, and when I tried to explain to them I just want them to listen to me they called me an ungrateful bitch. I want to move out as soon as possible and be independent away from them. I am trying to keep my grades up to get into a good college and get far away. When my dad found out he said that if I try to do that he will bring me back and will send me to India. I have no other outlet to my emotions and I don;t want to put the pressure on the few friends I have.
I know I am all over the place but I really needed to talk about this.
I have so much trouble focusing and staying on task. I always zone out or forget what I am doing. Some days I cannot pay attention in any classes, and this pisses my dad off. I always forget little things. One time I was getting dressed to go skiing and I was running a little late. My dad pushed me to the ground and kicked me a few times and then he pulled me up by my hair to yell at me some more. When I started crying he told me to shut up and not ruin anyone else's mood. I just want to move out. I am only 15 and I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice?