Bro, this actually hurting me rn. Like dafuq I mean. We had a "fight." Okay. So what? it wasn't even a fight as such yk? like we disagreed on some things aur mein thoda aggressive hogayi shayad and im sorry if I did par mein utna bhi aggressive nahi hui. i was just trying to point out your privilege. bruh, i've noticed this a lot of times till now already even in the short span i've known you. tu kaafi privileged place se aata hai, kaafi. dafuq did you say the otehr day? we should let it slide when some upper caste person says some shit and not always try to hold the person accountable? when men say shit about women? because they dont always know? hum kaafi triggered gen hai and all? yes bro, there's a reason for it. tu uc privileged cishet chutiya, tu mereko baatayega how to deal with my identity as a marginalised group? TU mereko batayega how to deal with things, what i should and shouldnt feel????? abey gaandu tere liye yeh sab cheeze na sirf news mein padhne waale instances, bhenchod this is my life. I've dealt with this shit all my life and guess what I still gotta. tera chutiya opinion mereko matt de. chutiya kahika. im surprised tu jounalism background se aata hai and still you're so dense, you're so ignorant like dafuq? this just goes on to show kitna bhi padhlo bc, privileged bitches can never get their head out of their arse, can they? bhenchod i should be the one who's offended, who's angry aur tu bhenchod, tu mereko nakhre dikharaha hai madarchod kahika. teri dry texting ke bavajood bhi i tried talking to you, the last time we talked it was ME, jisne effort daala, who messaged first, tried to make conversation par raja beta toh mereko one word replies derahe the. i asked you are you still feeling awkward and you're like "nah it's cool" and phir mereko seenzone kardiya bc? aur pichle teen din se baat bhi nahi kiya? bhenchod kahika. ninnu chusthunte boothulu agatledura. nee abba. neeku asala uchcha agadu kada? jab bhi class group kholke dekhu, nee pente undi sastadi, nuvu nee try hard jokes. nee abba rey nuv inkoka rendu people matladukuntaaru aa group, personal message cheyyaleva ra? class group lone mee conversation lu avasarama? lejera correct ga cheppindi "nuv okadivi ani." monna kuda penta discussion group arnab gurinchi lmao. bro three people talking is not a fucking discussion aur discussion karke bhi kua ukaadliya bc? its not like yeh sadiyal desh badlega. it will never be inclusive of minorities. log marrahe phir bhi kisiko ghanta farak nahi padhta par inn privileged chutiyo ko yehi toh aata hai ek echochamber mein InTellECTuAL DiScUsSIoNs karna. bhosadike. "change is starting" it seems, na gudda ra, na gudda. asala thappu naadi, nee enakala padda chudu, efforts pettina chudu. bro you dont wanna talk? at least fcuking tell me for fucks sake you fucking pig headed moron. why're leaving me hanging like that? matlab bc at least bol toh de. dafuq am i supposed to assume? you'll never message me? you'll message me after a few days? matlab kya? journalism bg se hote hue you never disagreements with friends kya? kuch bhi bhenchod. tu privileged chutiya you dont have any dalit friends mereko samajh aagaya. as soon as i hit you with facts teri gaand fattgayi? kuch bhi bc matlab. you were the one who was like we need to be more tolerant and shit and bc tu mereko ghost kardiya? huh? gaandphatt gayi facts sunke? i wasn't even disrespectful bro dafuq. and tera class group mein chutiyapa kaafi hogaya huh? gaandu kahika. dp bhi badal raha hai frequently. itna din raat message karraha hai group mein like the chutiya that you are. tere paas koi kaam bhi nahi hai bc. class group mein chutiyapa karega but you wont talk to me huh? :( dude, hurt hota hai. but reality lo, it's me, nenu, nenu munda ni, naaku thelsu you will pull crap like this ani and i STILL talked to you. why? kyuki tu mujhe pasand aagaya bc. i have a golden rule of never dating classmates but mein chutiya jo tere pe feelings grow kiya. bruh this isnt even my fault, stuck at home in a pandemic, lonely, with no one to talk, we clicked aur maza aata tha bc. i could tell you anything. and now :(((( kuch bhi hojaye it's tempting, but i wont message you, not after you gave me those fucking dry replies aur itna attitude dikhaane ke baad. i still have the same abandonment issues, i used to have par bc now at least i have self respect and i will not compromise that for yoru ass. i tried talking to and said ki aise disagreements hote rehte hai and you agreed and now you're not talking to me wtf. :((((( yaar. i just miss you okay? i just do. i miss talking to you. i miss our conversations till late in the night. i missed having someone jiske saath mein puri comfortable hu, jisse mein kuch bhi bata sakti hu. jiske saath mein class hote time simultaneously chutiyapa karsaku. bhenchod. i miss you re. :((( and i dont even want a relationship yk? i just want your company. tu mereko bola tu zyada logo text nahi karta so i think you must also be feeling like this. then why arent you talking to me? itna kya bura kardiya maine bc :(((( i have friends jo right winders hai, casteist hai, sexist hai and ykw you CAN peacefuly co-exist. bc tune uss randi ka side liya when we were talking about language waala shit aur tu mereko benefit of nahi de sakta? why? because i have passionate opinions? wasnt it obvious after my presentations? darr lagraha hi? fattgayi ek strong woman who speaks her mind dekh ke? kuch bhi bc. and tu class group pe bahut chutiayapa karraha hai coz you have no one else to talk to lo. samajh gayi. you are at fault phir bhi why am i still chasing you??? mein asli chutiya hu yk? abhi bhi fantasize karrahi hu tere aur mere baare mein. and i know for a fact you dont like me, phir bhi bc? thoda sa bhi miss nahi karta mere se baat karna? tujhe woh vc waala video dekh ke gussa agaya kya? kya bc kuch bhi. and ik this is not me, this is you bro. this is you, being emotionally available, pulling some classic avoidant attachent style shit, avoiding confrontation, this is you ik. but thi is rally triggering my abandonment issues. everytime i see you message on the class group, my heart sinks. it's like im not getting any social approval but you are so it's making me feel even more worthless. are you thinking about me too? that if you send me a message and i dont respond it will trigger your issues? that you'' feel rejected. meh, id ont think so tu toh bc hamesha mereko double text karta hai. yaar ykw im wasting too much time on you. may be it's the universe's way of telling me i need to get my shit together and work on myself, focus on things which matter the most to me, like getting grades for my phd. this all is hurting me because, im feeling rejected, im second guessing and doubting myself ki am i worthy of love if i get passionate about topics which directly affect me? i feel rejected, i feel embarrassed and im overthinking our argument, re reading our last convo. i feel rejected and therefore unworthy of love, this triggered my social naxiety and now im trying hard, trying twice as hard to get approval from somewhere else, that somewhere being our class group and this is a catch 22 situation now. i feel anxious and the need for approval but everytime i text, i overthink stuff and think if i should've sent it and if people think im trying too hard and this makes me want to gain their approval even more which makes me try even harder. big sighs. couple that with the fact you are texting on the group but not to me, i feel double rejected and it makes me crave for your attention even more. it makes me feel like the class group is worthy of your attention but im not which makes me seek approval from both you and the class group. added to that it looks like everyone is having a blast on the group, so mereko bahut fomo bhi mehsoos horaha. this all obviously boils down to the fact that i need validation, im not able to meet my needs, im looking for external validation when i should be trying to validate myself. the thing is ik all this but i still dont know how to meet my needs. how do i assure myself ki ha, i am enough? not let some idiot boy with his issues faze me? how do i do that? this pandemic makes every situation worse lol even the seemingly small ones.but this is not a small issues, this is just a small part of a much larger issues ive been dealing with my entire life. my need for approval, my lack of ability to meet my own needs, to be self sufficient, to be independent, to regulate my emotions. guess it all stems from my childhood where i was way too attached to my dad and had everything handed down to me that when something doesnt go my way idk how to deal with it, i get entitled and thats why even small things mess with my mind. but listen, it's okay and it's oly natural to feel so. Validate yourself and your feelings. this is not me overreating but this is me actively trying to solve my issues, help myself. this is me growing. this is growth. and im ready for it. im ready to be a better version of myself everyday, someone who is genuinely confident, loving,giving, doesn't let people's bullshit opinions faze her, is selective of her energy and what she spends, has conviction in herself, working hard to be the best she could be, not to prove to otehr people but fr herself. coz she a bad bitch. i wanna reach my highest self one day, i wanna raise my vibrations slowly and slowly and steadily get there one day. im ready to learn the lesson universe has been trying to teach me, that i really need to focus on myself, practice self love and meet my own needs. Dear Universe, I'm ready to learn more about myself and this world, I'm happy to learn and get closer to you. I trust your process. A better version of myself is coming, I can feel it.