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I really wish I could turn back time

I did it again. I ate until it hurt.

You see the thing is that I usually eat 1200+ calories in a day.

Yes I count. All because I hate the way I look. I know I am not overweight, but I know I am not thin either. Or at least I don't see it. But apparently a bone in my lower back has begun to be visible, or at least it was before I ate a lot yesterday. But still, yesterday I still didn't look thin.

And I don't think I will ever look at myself as thin. I wish I could go back to not counting calories, or when I didn't really think about whether I was thin or not.

Did I mention I exercise too? Yeah, I exercise 5 days a week. Somedays even more than 45min. I know I have a problem, but I don't know how to solve it.