i ruined it all for myself

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i don’t know what to do anymore. i’ve lost the people that i would literally die for. i am a compulsive liar. i lied about one thing and now i’m lost in a sea of hatred and pain. i can’t even complain because it’s all my fault. i love this person and i just wanna be with them all the time but once they find out i lied to like 30 people in a group what do i look like now. i hate everything about myself i have no self control. i want to change so bad but i don’t know how. help me please help me

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