In the 7th grade i met this girl in my math class because the teacher had assigned our desks together. she wasnt so talkative but i talked to her little by little and we became friends. she was super funny and friendly and she cared a whole lot about the people she was close with. not long after i started to have feelings towards her, it slowly became obvious to all of our friends and her, and so i finally told her. and she said she didn’t feel the same way but she cherished our friendship alot and she didn’t want to lose that. though i was very sad about the denial, i obviously continued being friends with her. and slowly after that point, we became closer than ever. but deep down i was so so upset that she hadn’t felt the same way towards me, it didnt make sense to me. i slowly became short tempered around her and did constant weird things like constantly ask for a hug, or whenever we weren't at school i would always ask her for a selfie. this made her extremely uncomfortable but i kept doing it because my dumbass couldn’t handle rejection. and me being short tempered i always started arguments and cried like a baby and even complained to her face that i was so sad that we weren’t together. it was pathetic. and through my stupid temper tantrums i gaslighted her about stupid shit and i didn’t even realize i was doing it because i was too caught up in the fact that the relationship didn’t go where i wanted it too. and then during one of my stupid arguments, she stopped responding. her other close friend then dmed me and told me to stop talking to her, and basically had to tell me the awful shit i was doing to her, and how i was tearing her apart. in that moment i was so scared she would never talk to me again i immediately texted her and apologized and told her that she could take all the time she needed until she was ready to talk about it. during this time, i had looked back on all the things i had said and done, and i dont think i had hated myself more during that time. i would eat less, shower less, and would do less schoolwork. but slowly i started feeling better again. i would always hear stories on the internet about girls having to stay away from toxic or weird guys but i never would have thought one of them would have been me. i accept what i have done, i hate myself for it, but it cant be undone. its been around 3 months since she said she needed her time alone now. she has unfollowed me on pretty much every social media, and rarely talks in our friends groupchats anymore. i have already come to the conclusion that she most likely will not talk to me again. which truly hurts me, but what i did was awful and if my absence is what makes her happy, then my absence is what she’ll get, i deserve this. but if by the smallest chance that she is reading this big blob of text floating in the internet, and she knows its me, i truly wish you could give me one more chance. i promise you things will be different.