I am doing everything wrong. I used to do my work well, have struggled slightly with my relationship with mother but was getting better, I enjoyed life.I enjoyed going to different places, explore different events, meet new people. I had relatively good grades, a good connection of friends, had been doing pretty good work. I have now lost all motivation to do anything.Everything I do now is just terrible. I do wake early, cook, exercise, eat home cooked meals, get my mother and sister to go to bed on time when they never do; yet I feel empty inside. There's just so much that has happened yet I feel as though I'm trapped in a forever loop. My mother is forever biased towards my sister. My mother always baits me to do what she wants.My sister is irresponsible and disrespects me. I do shit work in my job. Seriously. It's so bad, it's a wonder why my boss still keeps me there. Here's the thing if you've read up to this point: Are you confused and don't understand what I'm talking about? Do my sentences seem jumbled up and my points all over the place? Yes, its because I've even lost all logic to my sentences now. I don't connect my points from one point to the other that it flows well. I used to be proud of my own writing and even thought about writing storybooks at one point. I lived, laughed, now I look like I am living but anyone can easily see that I'm empty inside. In just these few months I feel as though I have aged 10 years. I have dark circles, my skin is rough and whenever I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror I almost always have a scowl on or tears streaming down my face. This is a completely different person if you asked some of the people who know me half a year ago. I always laughed, cracked jokes, smile on my face. I now slap and hit myself for all the mistakes I do. I cry every single day. Nobody knows this. I cry when I'm going to work, while in behind my desk and everyone is bustling about doing their jobs , I cry in the toilet, I cry myself to sleep. This has been my "daily routine" for half a year now. Nobody knows this.Some may have seen me being quiet but nobody knows that I hit myself and cry I'm scared to tell people who know me. I'm scared to talk to someone because I know that this is me intentionally putting myself in the victim mindset and choosing not to do the right things. Even me writing here is me trying to seek attention. What point is there writing here when I am not fixing my own problems? I am just rambling on just so that I can have a quick feel good feeling Where did it all go downhill?Me. It is all because of me. I see no end to the tunnel. I know that there is a door on the side for me to just walk through and exit the tunnel. I keep walking in the straight line away from the door instead. The problem is me.I am not fixing myself. And that is the problem.

I am doing everything wrong.I used to do my work well, have struggled slightly with my relationship with mother but was getting better,  I enjoyed life.I enjoyed going to different places, explore different events, meet new people. I had relatively good grades, a good connection of friends, had been doing pretty good work.I have now lost all motivation to do anything.Everything I do now is just terrible.I do wake early, cook, exercise, eat home cooked meals, get my mother and sister to go to bed on time when they never do; yet I feel empty inside.There's just so much that has happened yet I feel as though I'm trapped in a forever loop.My mother is forever biased towards my sister. My mother always baits me to do what she wants.My sister is irresponsible and disrespects me.I do shit work in my job. Seriously. It's so bad, it's a wonder why my boss still keeps me there.Here's the thing if you've read up to this point: Are you confused and don't understand what I'm talking about?Do my sentences seem jumbled up and my points all over the place?Yes, its because I've even lost all logic to my sentences now.I don't connect my points from one point to the other that it flows well.I used to be proud of my own writing and even thought about writing storybooks at one point.I lived, laughed, now I look like I am living but anyone can easily see that I'm empty inside.In just these few months I feel as though I have aged 10 years. I have dark circles, my skin is rough and whenever I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror I almost always have a scowl on or tears streaming down my face.This is a completely different person if you asked some of the people who know me half a year ago.I always laughed, cracked jokes, smile on my face.I now slap and hit myself for all the mistakes I do.I cry every single day. Nobody knows this. I cry when I'm going to work, while in behind my desk and everyone is bustling about doing their jobs , I cry in the toilet, I cry myself to sleep.This has been my "daily routine" for half a year now. Nobody knows this.Some may have seen me being quiet but nobody knows that I hit myself and cry I'm scared to tell people who know me.I'm scared to talk to someone because I know that this is me intentionally putting myself in the victim mindset and choosing not to do the right things.Even me writing here is me trying to seek attention.What point is there writing here when I am not fixing my own problems?I am just rambling on just so that I can have a quick feel good feeling Where did it all go downhill?Me. It is all because of me.I see no end to the tunnel.I know that there is a door on the side for me to just walk through and exit the tunnel.I keep walking in the straight line away from the door instead.The problem is me.I am not fixing myself.And that is the problem.