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I think a lot..

Something I think why am I alive...

Why shouldn't I get some kind of cancer or something. I m a burden. One parent didn't bother to wait and ran away before I came into this world and other doesn't understand to be parent.

Yes I have beautiful people taking care of me live just for me but it doesn't make me feel good maybe I m lucky to have them but I just don't feel it . I'm scared of life , tomorrow

I'm not even healthy adding extra burden to my people.

Soon I'm graduating I can't depend upon them my whole life . I don't know if anyone will hire me well I have a baby face I look like 15yr old whose gonna hire me? God knows...

I have spent whole my life in my home I'm not good at interacting with people don't know to have a proper conversation

World hates me or I hate world.

I question my existence I'm no help to no one I don't think anyone needs me

It's ok if I m not in this world.

but

reality now I'm scared about tomorrow

What am I going to do?

I know I need to do something but I need someone to tell me do this I'm good at following directions but making a decision I don't know... I'm scared

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Re: I think a lot..

I have autism. No parents. Always on my own. No one wants autistics.

Here’s what I did. I looked at job market. Where are there jobs. What could I realistically do. I got two technical degrees. Turns out I could make more money at one but was dangerous. So I made less & did the other.

I found roommates. Didn’t like them but hid in my room. Worked part time cooking & stuff too. Slowly got higher education.

It took time but I slowly got better & better jobs. At one point I bought a trailer & rented a space to save money once married. Saved up down payment on house.

The trick to life is find ways to pay bills. Then find moments to enjoy. For me it’s watching comedies; playing online games; listening to music, & reading books. That’s my life. Work is how I earn that.

Nursing would be great field. Two my sisters do that. Always old & sick people. They always need more male nurses too.

Dental assistant. People always need teeth cleaned. This is low skilled job. Just smile & chat.

Machine shop & welding pay well. I’ve done them. But must learn to focus; work hard, & be good with your hands. Otherwise don’t do these; are dangerous. Drafting & basic computer programming are indoor jobs but don’t pay great. More advanced programming & engineering do pay well. I have degrees in both & have done both. Boring but your indoors farting around mostly.