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I think about the future and when I do, I don't see myself as alive

This last year has been the hardest. My closest friend dead, other friends dead, a stupid decision to get married to someone I was unsure about, confirmation of two pretty big health issues and the constant pain of them. Now facing an uncertain future I just don't see myself lasting long. What do I have left? I can only see my death as a relief to friends and family, a problem solved, one less thing to worry about.