This of going to be a long post. And I want to start by adding a trigger warning for Rape, Sexual Abuse and Trauma.
I'm a lesbian, I discovered that about 3 months ago now. But I have slept with over 20 men, for a 24 year old lesbian that's alot.
I look back to my teen years, and I remember being "in love" and genuinely wanting to be with these guys, even him, the one who raped and abused me repeatedly.
But after that man? The one who caused me to have PTSD? Nothing, not man beyond that point has ever felt the same. I thought my disinterest in men was about being asexual. Now I should explain I identified as bisexual before all this, but I viewed my attraction to all genders as equal and so it never occurred to me my lack of attraction was for only men.
2 years after living a very out asexual life I meet a girl and completely re evaluated my entire life, realise I'm gay, I assume I've always been gay but been too dumb to know it.
But actually? I've loved men, I've been attracted to men, to this day I can see the physical appeal (But have no desire to be with a man)
And I think my trauma, of being raped and abused by a man I loved, a man who was supposed to love me, made me gay.