i think i’m broken

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i’m 19 and i’ve had really bad mental health problems since i was ~13, and they got worse when my dad died when i was 15, and then they got even worse when i was sexually assaulted at 17. recently i’ve been seriously talking to someone and he wants to take me on a date, and he’s so sweet and kind, but thinking about going any further is giving me huge panic attacks. i saw a picture of my assaulter today and had a huge breakdown, and it’s really crushing my self esteem, because i feel like i’m too broken to be loved? i also feel like i’m trying to get a boyfriend to fill the void that my dad left, because i crave affection so badly, but i also know that i really like this guy. everything is a jumble and so overwhelming that it feels like my head is going to implode and i just don’t know what to do

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