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I think I'm losing it

I have written alot on here, in detail or not, about what happened to me. By definition, what happened to me was rape. Anal penetration. It only went in once as I managed to get off of him, but I feel an immense amount of guilt for some reason because I feel as though if I went to the police, they wouldn't take it as seriously as other rapes. It happened on the 1st of July at something past 10 at night. I realised what had happened to me about a week and a half later. I wish you all knew the whole story about him. Everyday since then, I have cried about it in my room with noone knowing. The only people who know what happened to me is my best mate (we both joke about it and laugh, she doesn't know how badly it has affected me though) and a close boy friend who was actually in a voice chat with me whilst I was crying. I feel empty. I have to put on a smile everyday, knowing I'm going to go back to my normal self when alone. I have gotten to the point where it hasn't left my mind and neither has the thought of suicide. I have been suicidal since last year though, and noone knows about that either. I feel like I'm at a point now where I cant cry over it, as it's happened now. I'm so lost and don't know how I'm feeling anymore.