I think I’m making a huge mistake

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My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now. About 6 months into the relationship, around December, he started to grow distant and cold with me and wouldn’t tell me why. I was so in love and he was the only person in my life who I had. He was my only family, my only friend, and my only partner. I got extremely depressed trying to make him feel better. Eventually it led to us taking a break because I got fed up giving 200% to our relationship where he gave 0%. 

Anyway, our break ended and we were on good terms— great terms— leading us to the following June, right before our one year anniversary. 

I was logged into his social media and saw messages from December telling a friend he was still in love with his ex girlfriend. He said that I was an “escape.” (I understand this is my bad. I know I was wrong for going through his messages. I have lots of trauma and mental health issues and there are so many things I did then that I wouldn’t do now. My intention was to find messages specifically mentioning my name to see the cute things he said about me. Still bad and weird, I know)

I had a whole breakdown while he tried to explain that December was in the past and he had a lapse in judgement about what he wants and that I’m the only one he loves. He told me he was talking to her during December but he ultimately chose me instead. 

It’s coming up on a year since that happened to us and it’s still raw in my mind. I know my pain doesn’t compare to other stories here and I almost feel cruel for using the same space. But I feel like I’m making a huge mistake. 

We decided to move in together and go to school together as well. Now we have an apartment in the works and we’re going to a school that his ex girlfriend attends to. I can’t help but feel he wants to be closer to her. I’ve been so depressed thinking about it. I don’t know what to do. I regret continuing this relationship so long but at the same time I don’t regret it at all. It feels like he’s my soulmate but then I ask myself, do soulmates do that to each other? 

I just don’t know. 

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