I think it’s called forgiveness ?

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7 doctors in two years . But I’ll I hear is I’m sorry, you’ll be okay, I sense the trauma , I hear your pain, I understand , your not alone .

but I still don’t feel better 7 trained professionals can’t tell me why my Addict biological mother shot me up with heroine at 7 or why my grandmother got me addicted to OxyContin at 13 or why my gay fathers boyfriend raped me for years . Or why when I told my dad he punched me . He punched me 12 years old I won’t forget . How could I forget. Someone I trusted someone I loved , a superhero my superhero.

used and abused and broken memories I can’t remember but bits and pieces telling my story for me . We find the defendant “ not guilty” the words that redefined my life .

the court is not your friend , child services don’t aren’t there for you people who should be protecting you turn out to be the ones breaking you

justice system with no justice . Men who are so insecure they prey on little girls . Fathers who aren’t actual guardians . It funny how people convince you the world is an amazing place but what they Fail to tell you is ...

people you should trust lie to you

people that you love won’t always love you back

you can hate the ones you love

love the ones you hate

spend years wanting to die when actually all you wanna do is live the life the way they told you it should be

I don’t cry because I’m hurting I cry because I’m losing the ability to feel .

but it’s not living with the pain of others actions it’s not feeling like a no one it’s not the nights I spend alone crying it’s not the constant therapy it’s not looking my rapist in the eye daily . Not knowing my sister suffers from the same thing but is scared to say anything .

it’s knowing that for myself and my peace of mind I have to forgive these people . Not for them but for me becuse I need closure I need peace I deserve that much .

-a distant friend

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