A few years ago I lost 3 people very close to me - all very suddenly. I went from one failed relationship to another looking I guess for some kind of security. I lost my job and that hurt my confidence massively as I’ve always prided myself in my work. During this low time I met someone and I thought - I’ve got nothing else going might as well. I’ve always been looking for a way to escape. Always looking for an excuse to end the relationship. Eventually I just came to accept it. I neither hate him nor am I in love with him. I care for him and so followed him when we decided to move back to his home country a couple months back. It’s been tough. I’ve lost so much of my independence as I don’t drive or speak the local language. He is battling to find a job and we are living with his parents. My despair is what do I do? I’m 35 and want to start a family. He is older than me and already has grown up kids from a previous marriage. He is not interested in getting married again and I feel marriage is an important thing to me. Even as I write this I feel like an idiot because I’m sure whoever is reading this is thinking why are you with him when you have seen so many warning signs! I don’t know is the only truthful answer I can give - maybe I was scared no one else would ever have me. What do I do? Do I leave in hope to make a life somewhere else? Do I go to my home country of SA which I haven’t lived in for 17 years? Do I return to England where I wasn’t particularly happy? Do I just accept this is my life? Better the devil you know? Would another partner be any different? I feel so alone. I’m far away from any family and have no friends. I know the answer is suppose to lie within me but I’ve searched and searched and I’m SO torn. I wish someone could tell me what to do. I battle to motivate myself to get out of bed in the mornings and can’t wait to say goodnight and slip away to my side of the bed to read or watch a movie to take my mind off my life. I exercise and do yoga but even with that - I can’t find the answer. What would you do?