I want to escape on this shit. I keep saying to myself that I'm not gonna live my life as a dog but look what the fuck I'm doing right now? haha. I want to fucking leave this manipulative household and other people around it. I don't know if I'm the only one seeing this but this church is manipulative as fuck. I mean, why they need so much money just for a trip? while retreat only cause enough money for a family to pay, sometimes it is free. I can see how they use God for shit and I fucking hate it when my parents believe on it. I want to give the world to my mom, but I'm losing myself because she's the one who controls my life. I'm so tired. I'm so fucking tired. I tried my best to be a perfect daughter, I cook, I listen to all they want me to do, I fucking sacrifice what I want just for their happiness because I want to pay back for all their sacrifices to me but I'm so tired. I want to run away but my guilt is eating me up. They don't even asking me if I'm alright, they don't even asking me what are my dreams for myself. I feel so suffocated. I feel like there's something on my neck that trying to choke me up. This is so suffocating, I badly want to escape this fucking whole thing.
Since my brother died, everything that is so good to me is gone.
I no longer know this family I have right now.
Since they started to believe that church, they gone Insane.
I don't know anymore, I want to die happy.