i want help...

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I'm the bad child the horrible sister or the naughty kid at school but I wasn't always like that from being sexually abused and bullied and been through family issues I can see why people think that. I'm only 14 so I usually just get pushed down when I try talk about my feelings to anyone, my friends just don't get it they haven't seen the things I have. I have tried falling in love some people would say it isn't love or I'm to young to fall in love but oh I fell in love because I have never felt that much pain when they left me. Right now I'm stuck in this talking stage with one boy and I know if he leaves it will break me and I know he will, he doesn't really care about me he uses me for nudes and I've tried confronting him but he gets upset he is manipulative in a way. I know I should leave him but I don't have anyone else and I only want him I guess. I'm struggling with depression right now and this boy gives me attention from my body I love that but when i try talk about my problems it doesn't always feel like he cares. I also have social anxiety which just doesn't help at all I don't sleep and I'm failing all my classes I don't know who to go to hence why I am here please someone give me some advice....

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