~ broken english ahead ~ I just had a haircut last year (2020), i decided to have a boy cut with a mullet, it was very short back then but now you can really see the mullet peeking out and my bangs getting in my eyes, everyone said and everyone even thought that i was a boy! Boii that just made me happy because that's exactly what my goal is, to look like a boy. So now i started to dress like a boy. Then one time i saw this tiktok video, saying that "You know when you're attracted to a guy that you kinda wish you look like him", and everyone in the comments we're agreeing and so was i! That's legit what i feel whenever i see a handsome guy, like first, i'd have a crush on him, then the next day i started to imagine myself with his features and like daydream about it, y'know?. That's also what i felt to hyunjin (straykids, a kpop group, but unfortunately, im not a kpop fan anymore) when he has a long hair, i was like "he look so good with it, i wish i have that long hair and a masculine features like him". Well to be honest, even in the past, i really want to have a masculine features, I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT CLEARLY BUT IT'S JUST THAT FEELING WHEN I WANT TO BE OR LOOK LIKE A GUY BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IM MORE OKAY/COMFORTABLE WITH IT😩 agh, it's really hard to explain but i hope you understand me. Buuttt, im not really into girls that much, why did i said that? It's because some might think that i just want to look like a guy so that girls will like me, well it's a no. Yes i do feel sexual attraction to women and even have a crush on them, but i STILL want to have a relationship with a guy. Im actually considering to transition when im much older, like maybe 20? Idk or when it's in an appropriate time. But i saw that it's expensive and so im having thoughts on if i really should, or should i not.. Because i mean, i could just cut my hair then just wear a binder, but GOSH, the thought of being a guy is just more alright y'know..