I dont know. I know im toxic, and im a bad person to be around bcs i drain your energy by being so rude and pessimistic, ive accepted that. Ive accepted that im heartless, and that no one should be around me and im better by myself. But then why do i want friends so bad? I need to be alone, thats the way it has to be, but everyone else seems to have so much fun. I dont want friends most times, most times being alone is the best thing for me and if ppl get to close to me or if we both return mutual feelings and they dont validate me everyday that they dont hate me and theyre not dating me bcs theyre bored, or bcs of a dare, etc. I start to doubt them very fast, and ill end up leaving, but then, i want them back later on, and its a constant process. I wish i was just a little less caring so i could live alone and be alone forever.