I don't feel like I can say what I want to even here. Even here I feel like I'm bothering people or that I'm being overly dramatic and like I have no right to feel how I do. It feels like no matter what I do I'm a bother to everyone around me. I don't deserve to have an opinion. I don't deserve to feel hurt or sad because I'm an awful person. I genuinely hate everything about myself and I feel like I'm just trying to seek attention for even feeling this way. I want attention. I feel hurt and I just want to be told I'm wrong and that I matter even though I don't believe it. I'm trying this thing that I learn in middle school where I just type everything that comes to mind. I want to die but I know I could never kill myself because I took scared to do it. None of this makes sense to anyone who reads it. I'm sorry. I just want to cry and scream and just break shit! I'm sick of being a side character in my own life! I am never going to be good enough to be loved by anyone. And I want to stay miserable. I don't but it feels like my mind loves to it when I'm hurt. I'm an awful person and I don't fucking make sense! I want to be someone new. I want to die why can't I just die already? I can't do anything right and I have an awful personality. I am an awful friend and I'm selfish and petty and nothing like the people I admire. I'm boring and awkward and no one will ever find me attractive. I'm fat and my nose is too big for my face I hate my hair and pretty much all of body and personality. I wish I were born differently. Why can't I understand how to interact with people like everyone else. I'm tired of being alone. Everyone keeps leaving me and I deserve it. I'm writing this for attention. I don't know if I have depression or my mind just wants me to do I can get pity. Is there a way to fix me? Is there something mental wrong with me? I will never be loved. The person I've been in love with for almost two years tricked me twice into thinking that they liked me more than friends. I should have known better after the first time. Of course he meant it when he sister zoned me. But why did he have to play with my feelings again giving me false hope? Did I misread things? Was everything all in my head? What was I thinking. You have the personality of a wet blanket. He got bored of you and realized he doesn't like you again. The only reason he even thought he did was because you purposely tried to make him jealous. You are boring. You never know what to say. How did you think this would work? You don't know anything about being in a relationship. You lied about the only one you told people you were in. You always lie. You lied to yourself. I'm selfish and petty and bitter and no one will ever love me. You don't deserve it. Did she really know he was talking to someone else? Is it that time she told you? You never should have been born. You don't deserve to live. You blame everyone but yourself. You are pathetic. I wish I could just sleep tonight and never wake up. There's something wrong with me and people don't change. I'll always be a fuck up. I should just suck it up and end it already. I'm tired. I'm just tired. Why won't anyone hear me. Why can't I talk to anyone about it. I'm not okay I'm not. O need help and I don't know how to ask I don't deserve it. You are attention seeking and just like your dad. You should just die already. I'm sorry for wasting your time

I don't feel like I can say what I want to even here. Even here I feel like I'm bothering people or that I'm being overly dramatic and like I have no right to feel how I do. It feels like no matter what I do I'm a bother to everyone around me. I don't deserve to have an opinion. I don't deserve to feel hurt or sad because I'm an awful person. I genuinely hate everything about myself and I feel like I'm just trying to seek attention for even feeling this way. I want attention. I feel hurt and I just want to be told I'm wrong and that I matter even though I don't believe it. I'm trying this thing that I learn in middle school where I just type everything that comes to mind. I want to die but I know I could never kill myself because I took scared to do it. None of this makes sense to anyone who reads it. I'm sorry. I just want to cry and scream and just break shit! I'm sick of being a side character in my own life! I am never going to be good enough to be loved by anyone. And I want to stay miserable. I don't but it feels like my mind loves to it when I'm hurt. I'm an awful person and I don't fucking make sense! I want to be someone new. I want to die why can't I just die already? I can't do anything right and I have an awful personality. I am an awful friend and I'm selfish and petty and nothing like the people I admire. I'm boring and awkward and no one will ever find me attractive. I'm fat and my nose is too big for my face I hate my hair and pretty much all of body and personality. I wish I were born differently. Why can't I understand how to interact with people like everyone else. I'm tired of being alone. Everyone keeps leaving me and I deserve it. I'm writing this for attention. I don't know if I have depression or my mind just wants me to do I can get pity. Is there a way to fix me? Is there something mental wrong with me? I will never be loved. The person I've been in love with for almost two years tricked me twice into thinking that they liked me more than friends. I should have known better after the first time. Of course he meant it when he sister zoned me. But why did he have to play with my feelings again giving me false hope? Did I misread things? Was everything all in my head? What was I thinking. You have the personality of a wet blanket. He got bored of you and realized he doesn't like you again. The only reason he even thought he did was because you purposely tried to make him jealous. You are boring. You never know what to say. How did you think this would work? You don't know anything about being in a relationship. You lied about the only one you told people you were in. You always lie. You lied to yourself. I'm selfish and petty and bitter and no one will ever love me. You don't deserve it. Did she really know he was talking to someone else? Is it that time she told you? You never should have been born. You don't deserve to live. You blame everyone but yourself. You are pathetic. I wish I could just sleep tonight and never wake up. There's something wrong with me and people don't change. I'll always be a fuck up. I should just suck it up and end it already. I'm tired. I'm just tired. Why won't anyone hear me. Why can't I talk to anyone about it. I'm not okay I'm not. O need help and I don't know how to ask I don't deserve it. You are attention seeking and just like your dad. You should just die already. I'm sorry for wasting your time 

It’s crazy because you took the words right out of my head. Im sad. Hurt. Miserable. Alone. Antisocial. Mentally not okay.....but i want to be better. I want to feel better, but in order to do that I need help. But im scared. Im scared that no one will understand me. Am I overreacting? I dont feel like it but there is no one that will listen or genuinely care about my mental state. I dont want to be here either, i want to die but I WOULD NEVER KILL MYSELF. It’s just something i morally can’t do. I feel for you. Im sorry you are misunderstood, im sorry that you are surrounded by people who cannot see that you need help. My friend, you are not overreacting, they just won’t listen. I know it hurts and its hard, shit i can’t even take my own advice honestly, but please find help. Therapy or something. Because if you feel something is wrong, more than likely it is. Maybe the people around you won’t understand but a medical professional might. I’ve tried myself, but its hard for me to open up to a stranger because i don’t want pretend help. I need someone to truly understand and simplify my complex thoughts. I really FELT when you said you are tired of being a side character in your own life! That is how my soul feels and I have no one that will understand. I hate myself and the way i am, idk why i cant adapt to live like other people. Its a fucked up world but we just have to endure it until its our time. I hope that someone will soon see your value and pain and put in the effort to truly try to understand and help you become the main character of your life ❤️

It’s crazy because you took the words right out of my head. Im sad. Hurt. Miserable. Alone. Antisocial. Mentally not okay.....but i want to be better. I want to feel better, but in order to do that I need help. But im scared. Im scared that no one will understand me. Am I overreacting? I dont feel like it but there is no one that will listen or genuinely care about my mental state. I dont want to be here either, i want to die but I WOULD NEVER KILL MYSELF. It’s just something i morally can’t do. I feel for you. Im sorry you are misunderstood, im sorry that you are surrounded by people who cannot see that you need help. My friend, you are not overreacting, they just won’t listen. I know it hurts and its hard, shit i can’t even take my own advice honestly, but please find help. Therapy or something. Because if you feel something is wrong, more than likely it is. Maybe the people around you won’t understand but a medical professional might. I’ve tried myself, but its hard for me to open up to a stranger because i don’t want pretend help. I need someone to truly understand and simplify my complex thoughts. I really FELT when you said you are tired of being a side character in your own life! That is how my soul feels and I have no one that will understand. I hate myself and the way i am, idk why i cant adapt to live like other people. Its a fucked up world but we just have to endure it until its our time. I hope that someone will soon see your value and pain and put in the effort to truly try to understand and help you become the main character of your life ❤️

Re: I want to die

Hello, its me again. I wrote this last night. Its all over the place because I wrote all my thoughts down and my thoughts are all over the place because of my ADHD. Its weird because I cried a little writing it but now I can't. I just feel numb now. I have small moments where I feel like crying but the tears just won't come. I feel like I've finally just accepted my fate. And it hurts but I know I can't change. This is just how things are. I feel numb aside from small pings of pain. Is this depression? Or am I just pretending for attention? I just want to be alone but I don't want to at the same time. I want to talk to someone but I can't. It wouldn't change anything if I did. I would just be a burden on whoever I told. I'm supposed to work at 1:30 and I'll go. I'll pretend that I'm fine, that I am happy but I honestly do know if I even know what real happiness feels like. I think I've been happy before but there's always something underneath. Like "This won't last. You'll ruin it and you'll never be happier than you are right now. The second this ends you'll never feel this again." My brain wants me to fail because only I know how awful I am on the inside. People say its okay, I'll be fine, I'll find the right person someday, one day I'll live the life I so desperately crave. But I know better. Not everyone is meant to have a life with amazing real friends and someone to truly love you. People like me are just meant to fill up space. Every show and movie would be empty without the extras and minor characters. I'm just an extra. No lines Because I have nothing important to say. I'm not even good enough to be a villain. I'm empty on the inside. Either empty or ugly. No one will ever see me. Its my fault too. I don't know how to be seen. I don't know how to interact with people more than the surface level. I'm not interesting and I run out of ideas of what to say. I know they will leave me and its just pointless to try clinging to them even you'll only drag them down and burden them. I don't know how to connect. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't think there's anything that can help me. I want to talk to a therapist but I feel like I still wouldn't be heard or seen. And I don't have that kind of money. I'm consistently broke. I don't know how to save money. The only thing that can free me is death. Please just let me die already. Something please do the thing I am too scared to do myself. I'm tired of all of this. Let it be over.

Hello, its me again. I wrote this last night. Its all over the place because I wrote all my thoughts down and my thoughts are all over the place because of my ADHD. Its weird because I cried a little writing it but now I can't. I just feel numb now. I have small moments where I feel like crying but the tears just won't come. I feel like I've finally just accepted my fate. And it hurts but I know I can't change. This is just how things are. I feel numb aside from small pings of pain. Is this depression? Or am I just pretending for attention? I just want to be alone but I don't want to at the same time. I want to talk to someone but I can't. It wouldn't change anything if I did. I would just be a burden on whoever I told. I'm supposed to work at 1:30 and I'll go. I'll pretend that I'm fine, that I am happy but I honestly do know if I even know what real happiness feels like. I think I've been happy before but there's always something underneath. Like "This won't last. You'll ruin it and you'll never be happier than you are right now. The second this ends you'll never feel this again." My brain wants me to fail because only I know how awful I am on the inside. People say its okay, I'll be fine, I'll find the right person someday, one day I'll live the life I so desperately crave. But I know better. Not everyone is meant to have a life with amazing real friends and someone to truly love you. People like me are just meant to fill up space. Every show and movie would be empty without the extras and minor characters. I'm just an extra. No lines Because I have nothing important to say. I'm not even good enough to be a villain. I'm empty on the inside. Either empty or ugly. No one will ever see me. Its my fault too. I don't know how to be seen. I don't know how to interact with people more than the surface level. I'm not interesting and I run out of ideas of what to say. I know they will leave me and its just pointless to try clinging to them even you'll only drag them down and burden them. I don't know how to connect. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't think there's anything that can help me. I want to talk to a therapist but I feel like I still wouldn't be heard or seen. And I don't have that kind of money. I'm consistently broke. I don't know how to save money. The only thing that can free me is death. Please just let me die already. Something please do the thing I am too scared to do myself.  I'm tired of all of this. Let it be over.