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I want to die but lack motivation

Can anyone motivate me to commit suicide? I destroyed a family. The guy basically blamed it all on me when he was the one who started everything. And his family members told me I was a horrible person even though I knew that the guy already has a child and is engaged. On top of that, my life before that is shit. Pls help. Also, where can I get the money so that I can buy a gun? Thanks.