I feel like my life has no purpose at all. everyone around me seems to have found happiness in their lives but all i feel is emptiness and loneliness and i genuinely feel like i dont have anybody to talk to because where im from if i say shit like this or self harm in any way then im just "asking for attention". And when i tried to confide in a friend they always say soemthing like "maybe youre just tired" but all i do is sleep so that cant be it. I dont know if what im feeling is sadness because it seems like i cry with no purpose and the tears flow for no real reason. Whats even funnier is that the slightest happiness-like feeling i experience is when im horny. On top of all that im constantly thinking about my physical appearence and my insecurities keep me from doing simple things such as looking in the mirror and even masturbation (which is just sad tbh). Everyday i think of dying but im just a pussy and im lazy so i hope for something to kill me by chance. Also i think my personality is fucking terrible because i dont think even my closest friends like me. Another reason why i want to die is because one of my friends had a crush on me some time ago (i dont know why) but i was not sure about my feelings and so i pushed them away like i always fucking do and when i realized i did infact like them back it was too late and theyd found a significant other that did a better job than i did. Now that i think about it i never know what im feeling and i hate myself for pitying myself when i know there are people going through much worse than i am. I feel physical pain for some reason so i think my death wish is being fulfilled.