I made a plan to die at the end of this year....well not exactly a plan, but just an assurance to myself so that I will complete my study schedule this one last time bcoz I've wasted so many months doing useless things. My friends on the other hand studied well during this pandemic, but I didn't. 2 of my closest friends even won a quiz. That guilt, that freakin' guilt is causing me hurt so much at a very deeper level. I also know that I'm not seriously going to kill myself, as I'm a freakin' coward.I've had this same thought a couple of years back as well! I can't share these things with my friends or family bcoz I show them a normal side of me, not this real one..and also they won't understand.Just venting it out here.I just want to be at peace, that's all I'm asking for. But these inside demons are not letting me live at peace!