I want to go

Time Spent- 10m
16 Visitors

I want to go far from this world from where i can never come back but i also don't want to give my famil worries and sadness but day by day it's being so hard to live, i am not a loser if i will end my life by myself everyone will just think i am loser who just know how to run away and make excuse, i am wishing for my death everyday even on happy days, i don't think i deserve to live all i am doing is making everyone worried and disappointed around me , no matter what i do i ended up making everyone disappointed, i just feel like if someone who really deserve to live why don't i die and my life goes to them, it's not like i don't want to study or i love to be lazy but what can i do if i don't feel like doing anything and if i try i just can't focus, all they cab see is i am lazy, i make excuse, i can't study properly, i am always on my phone, and i try to joke around to hide my real conditions so they think i am all well, it's just over thinking, is it really normal to everyday thinking of ending you self, wishing for your death, laughing and smiling out side and crying hard alone just after that, can't focus on simple things, getting annoyed by small things, not talk at all or talk or argue to much to hide the worries, isn't it just normal?, maybe yes or maybe not , all i know is i am reaching to the limit of keeping my self sane, i will bot regret if i don't wake up tomorrow, that's all i can think right now.